(This post is meant as an aside to the main blog. Your regularly-scheduled Bible reviews will return shortly.)
Funerals suck. There is no good reason to be at a funeral (unless you happen to be a funeral director). Funerals remind us that life is short, and every moment is precious. When you're at a funeral, you're not thinking about a boss you dislike or about a promotion you didn't get. You're not dreading your next mortgage payment or wondering when your car will finally hug its last curve. You're celebrating a life, remembering the good times and figuring out how to cope with the loss that you're all feeling. It's a time to celebrate, and a time to reflect. It's a time to face the reality that life isn't guaranteed and that it's certainly not permanent - a fact we generally spend our days trying to forget.
It reminds us that one of life's most basic questions has one of the most elusive answers: What happens when we die? The only thing we know for sure is that no one knows for sure.
Death and grief are highly personal, and must be dealt with in whatever way(s) each individual finds the most helpful. Religion is one of the ways that people cope with the loss of a loved one, and I can't blame them for that. I understand our innate desire to make sense of it all. What I've noticed during my funeral experiences is that, in our insatiable need to explain and cope with death, we end up losing something important along the way; the person we're mourning.
Too often I've seen funerals play out like an extended infomercial for whichever religion is running the event (I've been to Catholic, Christian, and Jewish funerals). The whole experience is about 90% God and 10% loved one. The rites and rituals are so elaborate and regimented that the priest just fills the departed's name into the blank like a morose Madlib. The occasion feels very formulaic and highly impersonal. Every so often someone will step up to say a few words about the departed, but it feels like an afterthought to the rest of the ritual.
It is these "afterthoughts" that should really be the primary focus of contemporary funerals. They're highly personal and accessible to everyone that knew the deceased, regardless of personal belief or religious preference. If you choose to believe that God has a place for our souls everlasting, and that your loved ones are now enjoying the kingdom that God has for us, that's wonderful! Make the funeral about the person we just lost, not about one possible outcome of the manifestation of our fears.
But, in the words of the great Dennis Miller, that's just my opinion; I could be wrong.
Epilogue:
For my own funeral, I've made it quite clear to my wife how things are to be handled:
My body should be donated to science, where it can be used to help someone make someone else's life better. I don't need people to gather in a creepy, characterless room that hasn't been redecorated since the 70's. I don't need people to spend money on flowers that are comically overpriced and about to die. I don't need anyone reading anything from any spiritual book. I don't need anyone to give my body a final tour of the town (though I do quite like the idea of getting to ignore red lights and stop signs). I didn't need anyone to plan my wedding, and I certainly don't need anyone planning my funeral. Anyone who wants to celebrate my life (or my death) should gather at someone's house or a bar where they can share stories about the best (and worst) times. It'll be cheap, it'll be fun, and I wish there was a way for me to enjoy it as much as everyone else will.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Exodus: 1-40
Now that's what I'm talking about. We're finally getting into a little substance here! The book of Exodus begins with the Isrealites (the descendants of Abraham's grandson Jacob) being forced into slavery by the king of Egypt for being too...fertile. It ends with Moses and his followers, freed, setting up shop to worship the Lord without the slavemasters of Egypt.
Exodus is more complex than Genesis, so I'll do my best to keep my thoughts organized.
The Good:
Compared to Genesis, Exodus reads like an episode of the Care Bears - there is far less raping, pillaging, and murdering. There are still some pretty bad things happening, but the story is a good one, and would make for a good movie. We get to see the characters continue their journey, and, more importantly, we start to understand the point to the overall story. Exodus contains the creation and the delivery of the ten commandments, so we also have something useful to life beyond the context of the story. Exodus also explains the origin of some of the Jewish holidays, and it's always nice to get some historical context for things that still occur today.
The Bad:
My major issue with Exodus isn't the believability of the actual events (plagues, commandments from God, etc), but with the consistency and the motivations of God. I found myself wondering if the two books even refer to the same god. Details below.
General Thoughts:
Favoritism: The Bible illustrates the most profound case of nepotism in history. In Genesis 6, God decides that humanity has descended into wickedness and he regrets creating them. He spares Noah and his family because he was a "righteous" man. Noah's three sons and their wives are saved on the ark, and go on to repopulate the world (Genesis 9). Then, in Genesis 12, God communicates with Abram directly (a descendant of one of Noah's sons) for apparently no reason, and then establishes a covenant with him in Genesis 17 promising success for him and his descendants. From this point on, it is Abraham and his family that seem to have the direct line to God, and anyone else is just standing in their way. Why would God create humanity, destroy it, and then choose one family from what was left to be his favorite? This is a large enough "plot hole" to distract from the goal at hand.
The Same God?: In Genesis, God is very clear about his powers and his willingness to use them. He wipes out the entire world with a flood (Genesis 7), destroys entire cities (Genesis 19), and turns Lot's wife into a pillar of salt for disobeying him (Genesis 19). However, in Exodus, God sees his chosen people suffer under the chains of slavery for 430 years (Exodus 12). He doesn't free them. He doesn't destroy the leaders of Egypt that act against his wishes. He sends Moses to use "tricks" to convince Pharaoh to let the slaves go. With each plague, Pharaoh's response is the same: his magicians could accomplish the same things, so he doesn't believe that God's hand is present. So I have to ask - why the games? Why send Moses to convince Pharaoh? Why not communicate with Pharaoh directly, or just skip the whole deal and enact his will as per usual? Worse, in trying to convince Pharaoh, how many Egyptian citizens suffered needlessly for God to make a point he could have made just as simply otherwise? Why slaughter the firstborn sons of an entire people for the actions of their leaders? Further, what was the point of taking gold and silver from the people? Haven't they suffered enough?
Creation vs. creation: Once Moses finally leads his people to their destination, the rest of the book consists of how best to worship the Lord.
Creating the world and immensely complex biological and ecological systems? Piece of cake - but those curtains and priestly robes are the tricky part!
Suspicion: There are a few places in Exodus where my sense of caution is heightened because, as I put myself in the shoes of the people in the story, I feel like I'm being duped. This guy, Moses, heads up to the top of the mountain, expressly forbids anyone except his brother from joining him, and then comes back with a long list of laws I'm supposed to follow on penalty of death. Also, the creator of the heavens and earth suddenly has an interest in "atonement money" (Exodus 30).
Rating: 4/10
Good story, but if the world as we know it were to be destroyed and a new civilization were to one day discover the Bible, Exodus wouldn't add much value to their lives.
Open questions:
Exodus is more complex than Genesis, so I'll do my best to keep my thoughts organized.
The Good:
Compared to Genesis, Exodus reads like an episode of the Care Bears - there is far less raping, pillaging, and murdering. There are still some pretty bad things happening, but the story is a good one, and would make for a good movie. We get to see the characters continue their journey, and, more importantly, we start to understand the point to the overall story. Exodus contains the creation and the delivery of the ten commandments, so we also have something useful to life beyond the context of the story. Exodus also explains the origin of some of the Jewish holidays, and it's always nice to get some historical context for things that still occur today.
The Bad:
My major issue with Exodus isn't the believability of the actual events (plagues, commandments from God, etc), but with the consistency and the motivations of God. I found myself wondering if the two books even refer to the same god. Details below.
General Thoughts:
Favoritism: The Bible illustrates the most profound case of nepotism in history. In Genesis 6, God decides that humanity has descended into wickedness and he regrets creating them. He spares Noah and his family because he was a "righteous" man. Noah's three sons and their wives are saved on the ark, and go on to repopulate the world (Genesis 9). Then, in Genesis 12, God communicates with Abram directly (a descendant of one of Noah's sons) for apparently no reason, and then establishes a covenant with him in Genesis 17 promising success for him and his descendants. From this point on, it is Abraham and his family that seem to have the direct line to God, and anyone else is just standing in their way. Why would God create humanity, destroy it, and then choose one family from what was left to be his favorite? This is a large enough "plot hole" to distract from the goal at hand.
The Same God?: In Genesis, God is very clear about his powers and his willingness to use them. He wipes out the entire world with a flood (Genesis 7), destroys entire cities (Genesis 19), and turns Lot's wife into a pillar of salt for disobeying him (Genesis 19). However, in Exodus, God sees his chosen people suffer under the chains of slavery for 430 years (Exodus 12). He doesn't free them. He doesn't destroy the leaders of Egypt that act against his wishes. He sends Moses to use "tricks" to convince Pharaoh to let the slaves go. With each plague, Pharaoh's response is the same: his magicians could accomplish the same things, so he doesn't believe that God's hand is present. So I have to ask - why the games? Why send Moses to convince Pharaoh? Why not communicate with Pharaoh directly, or just skip the whole deal and enact his will as per usual? Worse, in trying to convince Pharaoh, how many Egyptian citizens suffered needlessly for God to make a point he could have made just as simply otherwise? Why slaughter the firstborn sons of an entire people for the actions of their leaders? Further, what was the point of taking gold and silver from the people? Haven't they suffered enough?
Creation vs. creation: Once Moses finally leads his people to their destination, the rest of the book consists of how best to worship the Lord.
Words used to describe the creation of the universe, the earth, its plants, animals, fish, birds, and its first human inhabitants: ~1,417
Words used to describe the design and building of God's first temple: ~8,440
Creating the world and immensely complex biological and ecological systems? Piece of cake - but those curtains and priestly robes are the tricky part!
Suspicion: There are a few places in Exodus where my sense of caution is heightened because, as I put myself in the shoes of the people in the story, I feel like I'm being duped. This guy, Moses, heads up to the top of the mountain, expressly forbids anyone except his brother from joining him, and then comes back with a long list of laws I'm supposed to follow on penalty of death. Also, the creator of the heavens and earth suddenly has an interest in "atonement money" (Exodus 30).
Rating: 4/10
Good story, but if the world as we know it were to be destroyed and a new civilization were to one day discover the Bible, Exodus wouldn't add much value to their lives.
Open questions:
- Why would God create man in His (perfect) image, and then demand that we cut a piece of our penises off?
- Why is God obsessed with burnt animal offerings?
- Why does God need the people to put marks of blood on the houses so he will know to pass over them? How could God not know who lives where?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Genesis: 1-50
Book 1 is complete. I knew that this would be an experience, but I'm not sure I was prepared for what I've committed to. I knew that I would read things that would make modern-day people cringe, but I didn't expect to hit them all in the same book.
The good:
There isn't any here. I tried, but the book of Genesis contains absolutely nothing of value. There is no lesson here that should be passed on to future generations, nor any values or virtues that add to the quality of human life.
The bad:
Where to begin? The stories contained in Genesis are teeming with all of humanity's worst qualities. They're not even presented in a way that displeases God - the terrible actions in this book are committed, rewarded, or otherwise encouraged by the Almighty himself.
As far as the creation portion of this book, I can only say this: If the world was indeed created by God, it most certainly wasn't done in the ways described here. Every claim made in this book is demonstrably false.
Rating: 0/10
Lifespans over 900 years. Jealousy. Murder. Sexism. Genocide. Ritual sacrifice. Incest. Rape. Incestuous rape. Slavery. Racism. Deception. Nepotism. Vengeance. Prostitution. Polygamy. There are no lessons here. No examples to pass to our children. In fact, if the book of Genesis was made into a movie, the MPAA wouldn't give it any less than an NC-17 rating. And we think that the word "nigger" in Huck Finn is bad?
Open questions:
Adam is created from the ground. Eve is created from Adam. Adam and Eve have two sons, Cain and Abel. Suddenly, we hear of Cain's wife. Where did his wife come from?
Next up: Exodus 1
The good:
There isn't any here. I tried, but the book of Genesis contains absolutely nothing of value. There is no lesson here that should be passed on to future generations, nor any values or virtues that add to the quality of human life.
The bad:
Where to begin? The stories contained in Genesis are teeming with all of humanity's worst qualities. They're not even presented in a way that displeases God - the terrible actions in this book are committed, rewarded, or otherwise encouraged by the Almighty himself.
As far as the creation portion of this book, I can only say this: If the world was indeed created by God, it most certainly wasn't done in the ways described here. Every claim made in this book is demonstrably false.
Rating: 0/10
Lifespans over 900 years. Jealousy. Murder. Sexism. Genocide. Ritual sacrifice. Incest. Rape. Incestuous rape. Slavery. Racism. Deception. Nepotism. Vengeance. Prostitution. Polygamy. There are no lessons here. No examples to pass to our children. In fact, if the book of Genesis was made into a movie, the MPAA wouldn't give it any less than an NC-17 rating. And we think that the word "nigger" in Huck Finn is bad?
Open questions:
Adam is created from the ground. Eve is created from Adam. Adam and Eve have two sons, Cain and Abel. Suddenly, we hear of Cain's wife. Where did his wife come from?
Next up: Exodus 1
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Introduction
Those who know me best are going to wonder, "Why, of all people, would you want to read the Bible?"
There are myriad reasons, from being able to better refute Christian fundamentalism to being able to claim something most others can't. As someone who grew up with absolutely no Christian influence, I would like to view the Bible objectively and through the eyes of an adult. I plan to approach it with an open mind, and I look forward to the discussions to which this journey will lead me.
I will post a "review" of each book as I complete them, from the Old Testament through the New Testament. I will read each testament as stand-alone literary works, and not judge them based on the actions of those who follow them. I will try to avoid pointing out tiny errors or harping on minor issues, but I will be rating each book based on their content and overall contribution to society.
I'm not expecting to walk away from this experience as a religious individual, but I hope that this endeavor will add to my experience of the world and help me appreciate the historical relevance of something that has been the source of so much simultaneous joy and destruction.
There are myriad reasons, from being able to better refute Christian fundamentalism to being able to claim something most others can't. As someone who grew up with absolutely no Christian influence, I would like to view the Bible objectively and through the eyes of an adult. I plan to approach it with an open mind, and I look forward to the discussions to which this journey will lead me.
I will post a "review" of each book as I complete them, from the Old Testament through the New Testament. I will read each testament as stand-alone literary works, and not judge them based on the actions of those who follow them. I will try to avoid pointing out tiny errors or harping on minor issues, but I will be rating each book based on their content and overall contribution to society.
I'm not expecting to walk away from this experience as a religious individual, but I hope that this endeavor will add to my experience of the world and help me appreciate the historical relevance of something that has been the source of so much simultaneous joy and destruction.
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